Everything has been tasting like milk to me the past week. It doesn't matter what it is. It ranges from solid foods, to fruit smoothies, to water. The last one is the worst as it tastes really thick especially when at room temperature. Thankfully a warm cup of water is "okay" and having some ice cubes makes it a bit better as well.
Also been having this weird pain starting from the leftside of the base of my skull that shoots down the neck then over to my left shoulder. At first I thought maybe I just slept wrong and just strained a neck muscle, but it definitely doesn't feel like it. It's just this dull pain that's always there no matter whether I move or not.
I wonder if these two things are related to the Vimpat I am taking. In the classic case of the internet being a person's best friend and their worst enemy, in doing a search, I came upon Fibromyalgia and a list of its symptoms. I don't know, there were definitely a lot of them that I checked off. I read that men only account for 10 to 20 percent of all reported cases. With my luck lately, I may fall into that, or more likely, this will be another item I can toss into the "uncertain" bin. Anyway, I may bring it up to my doc.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Not really related to my tumor, well, not directly, but was thinking about the brother that I never knew and got really emotional today. The brother I am speaking of was my parents' first born, but passed away before his first birthday back in the old country. He was sick the day he was born and my parents never gave him a name. So I've been thinking about him a lot lately and wondering how things would be if he lived. If he had lived, I most likely would not be here. I would trade my life for his in an instant if I could and I wish I could. I have a feeling that my family would be better off if he was living today. My mom has said that he looked like my father which is a good thing. My dad in his younger years was a rather fashionable and handsome guy (just think a cross between James Dean and a young Elvis), which to the dismay of my mom, did not pass on to myself and my living brother (lol). I have always wondered what he would have been like. Would he have been kind, be the type of son my parents would be proud of? Would he have found a great wife and have wonderful kids and be the bearer of the family legacy??? Would he have been a great brother to my sister and my brother, someone that they would look up to?
It's odd, my mom always tells us of her run in with a lady back in the old country before the passing of my eldest brother. The lady was a fortune teller of sort. Having never met my mom, she mentioned to my mom that she was sorry about my brother's condiion and that he was not meant to be born to my mom and that is why he was sick. She stated that he will pass, but not to worry because he was not meant to be with my parents in the first place. She went on to say that my mom and dad were suppose to have a daughter first, that she will be as healthy as a child can be, and that my folks will only have three children. Lastly, she also mentioned that in the not too distant future that my mom will travel to a very far off place, a place that my mom never thought about. Well, it turns out that the next child my parents had turned out to be my sister who was healthy as a mule, then when the old country fell to the North Vietnamese forces, my parents ended up here in the US. They then had me, their third child. Their second child is my living brother.
Anyway, I think my eldest brother would have made my parents really proud. He would be 40 years old going on to 41 later in the year. If he had survived, then I probably wouldn't be around and wouldn't worry my folks due to my brain tumor. Having this brain tumor now, I sometimes think, what was the point of taking away my eldest brother just to have me come down with this tumor. I understand that life is just what it is, but it can be unfair at times...*sigh* As I stated, I have always wished my brother had lived and none more so than now.
It's odd, my mom always tells us of her run in with a lady back in the old country before the passing of my eldest brother. The lady was a fortune teller of sort. Having never met my mom, she mentioned to my mom that she was sorry about my brother's condiion and that he was not meant to be born to my mom and that is why he was sick. She stated that he will pass, but not to worry because he was not meant to be with my parents in the first place. She went on to say that my mom and dad were suppose to have a daughter first, that she will be as healthy as a child can be, and that my folks will only have three children. Lastly, she also mentioned that in the not too distant future that my mom will travel to a very far off place, a place that my mom never thought about. Well, it turns out that the next child my parents had turned out to be my sister who was healthy as a mule, then when the old country fell to the North Vietnamese forces, my parents ended up here in the US. They then had me, their third child. Their second child is my living brother.
Anyway, I think my eldest brother would have made my parents really proud. He would be 40 years old going on to 41 later in the year. If he had survived, then I probably wouldn't be around and wouldn't worry my folks due to my brain tumor. Having this brain tumor now, I sometimes think, what was the point of taking away my eldest brother just to have me come down with this tumor. I understand that life is just what it is, but it can be unfair at times...*sigh* As I stated, I have always wished my brother had lived and none more so than now.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Tumor May Have Been Present in Late '06
I've always wondered how long the tumor might have been around. It's the one of many questions I suppose that can't be definitively answered. Based on the relative slow growth of the tumor, it may have been around for quite some time now. Since this may be the case, I've found myself pouring over all the little incidences that's occurred over the past several years, well, all the ones I can remember anyway.
So after some long and hard search into my memory bank, it seems that I may have had the tumor as far back as late 2006, early 2007. At that time, I was still living in Cleveland. It was my last year of grad/law school. I'll be honest, that last year, particularly the last semester was pretty tough as I was, let's just say, ready to graduate from school! Anyway, if I recall correctly, towards the end of 2006, early 2007, there were some strange activity that I was having, that looking back to it, may have been telltale signs of a brain tumor. First, there were more than several instances of waking up in the middle of the night and vomiting without any warning. I didn't feel nauseated or anything. At that time, I thought maybe I was just having severe panic attacks although I didn't feel too stressed, not anymore stressed than at any other time during grad/law school. In fact, that last semester was probably the "easiest" semester I had and I was enjoying myself. By that time, I was mostly taking grad classes and was really enjoying my Grad Assistant position. However, who knows, it may have latent panic attacks.
Besides the vomiting, there were also a few instances where I heard voices, almost like a radio program was playing, but I could never pinpoint the source. I even went outside a couple of times in the dead of night in the Cleveland winter, but could never find the source of what I was hearing. The reason it was hard to pinpoint the source was because it seemed like it came from everywhere, but from nowhere as well. It was the strangest thing and only occurred at night. Like the vomiting, I only woke up to these voices in the middle of the night. Also, the voices were always unintelligible.
I must say though that I don't remember any other symptoms associated with these two activities and I don't think both of these things ever happened at the same time. They could have, and I could have had other symptoms accompany them, but I don't remember. Both these things only happened for a few months and then just stopped. They were so strange and up until then, I had never had anything like them. Also, for some reason, I never bothered to do an online search of my symptoms! Maybe if I had had better insurance than just the university health coverage, I could've gone to the Cleveland Clinic to get checked out (yes, I see the irony of it all). My school's health center wasn't the most comprehensive. Of the times I went there, it was mostly always the same type of response, which was, "Just tough it out..."
So after some long and hard search into my memory bank, it seems that I may have had the tumor as far back as late 2006, early 2007. At that time, I was still living in Cleveland. It was my last year of grad/law school. I'll be honest, that last year, particularly the last semester was pretty tough as I was, let's just say, ready to graduate from school! Anyway, if I recall correctly, towards the end of 2006, early 2007, there were some strange activity that I was having, that looking back to it, may have been telltale signs of a brain tumor. First, there were more than several instances of waking up in the middle of the night and vomiting without any warning. I didn't feel nauseated or anything. At that time, I thought maybe I was just having severe panic attacks although I didn't feel too stressed, not anymore stressed than at any other time during grad/law school. In fact, that last semester was probably the "easiest" semester I had and I was enjoying myself. By that time, I was mostly taking grad classes and was really enjoying my Grad Assistant position. However, who knows, it may have latent panic attacks.
Besides the vomiting, there were also a few instances where I heard voices, almost like a radio program was playing, but I could never pinpoint the source. I even went outside a couple of times in the dead of night in the Cleveland winter, but could never find the source of what I was hearing. The reason it was hard to pinpoint the source was because it seemed like it came from everywhere, but from nowhere as well. It was the strangest thing and only occurred at night. Like the vomiting, I only woke up to these voices in the middle of the night. Also, the voices were always unintelligible.
I must say though that I don't remember any other symptoms associated with these two activities and I don't think both of these things ever happened at the same time. They could have, and I could have had other symptoms accompany them, but I don't remember. Both these things only happened for a few months and then just stopped. They were so strange and up until then, I had never had anything like them. Also, for some reason, I never bothered to do an online search of my symptoms! Maybe if I had had better insurance than just the university health coverage, I could've gone to the Cleveland Clinic to get checked out (yes, I see the irony of it all). My school's health center wasn't the most comprehensive. Of the times I went there, it was mostly always the same type of response, which was, "Just tough it out..."
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